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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24253132">Strawberries &amp; Cigarettes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthissworld/pseuds/inthissworld'>inthissworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NU'EST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Use, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Full of Angst, IT JUST ANGST, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:41:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24253132</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthissworld/pseuds/inthissworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</p><p>based on the song Strawberries &amp; Cigarettes- Troye Sivan</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Minhyun &amp; Kang Dongho | Baekho, Hwang Minhyun/Kang Dongho | Baekho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. About Hwang Minhyun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Two things I hate the most</em><br/>
<em>The smell of cigarette</em><br/>
<em>and strawberry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he, always give off the smell of strawberry and cigarette.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Hwang Minhyun a junior at his college.<br/>
Taking the Economic Major was always his dream.<br/>
He wants a simple life as a salaryman, working at office and having stable daily activity.<br/>
He dislikes turbulence behavior, he prefers a nice pace of life.<br/>
A well-planned one.<br/>
Even with all the pile of task, he gets from the lecture, he always manages to be the one who gets an A of all the task has been given to him.<br/>
Even his best friend, Aron didn't understand how he can finish all the tasks in time with the perfect answer.</p><p>Hwang Minhyun is the type of person you read on shoujo manga.<br/>
The Ikemen.<br/>
Handsome, smart, good at everything, and also clean.<br/>
Clean from all the bad behavior you can think of.</p><p>He never likes the scent of cigarettes.<br/>
It's suffocating his lung, he didn't find the pleasure of inhaling the smoke coming out from the cigar.<br/>
Nothing goods comes out from smoking anyway.<br/>
Always try to avoid places around the campus which have the "troublemaker" student who smoke.<br/>
Having lunch inside the class or going to a nearby cafe who didn't allow smoker to enter.<br/>
He never goes to the uni cafeteria because he always questioning the sanitary of the food and also, it's a free smoking area. <br/>
So he better avoid it.</p><p>Another thing he dislikes is strawberry.<br/>
He didn't have the sweet teeth, and he also thinks that strawberry has an artificial taste that he didn't like.<br/>
It's too much.<br/>
Too sweet.<br/>
Even if it's strawberry perfume, he didn't like it.<br/>
People like to make strawberry too sweet, too strong, and it's making him get a headache.<br/>
People hyping strawberry too much actually making him dislike the taste and the smell of it.<br/>
Too much sweetness is not good for his brain.<br/>
Too strong of a smell too, can make him suffocate.</p><p>
  <em>He is Hwang Minhyun.</em><br/>
<em>Two things he hates the most.</em><br/>
<em>Strawberry and Cigarette.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Light My Cigarette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He said "light my cigarette"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Minhyun class is in 5 minutes where are you?<br/>-Aron</p>
  <hr/>
</blockquote><p>"Shoot!"</p><p>I am late.<br/>Late for the most important class of this semester.<br/>Mr. Yoon who well-known for being strict with his class, and calling the student who attends his class one by one.<br/>And the student who actually comes to his class is the one who can take his test.<br/>And he always comes on time, and the most important rule for his class is you can't enter once he stepped inside the class.<br/>If you're one step behind him, basically you need to just walk away and take his class next semester.<br/>Most of the students failed to graduate the major on time, probably because retaking Mr.Yoon class.</p><p>I try to run my lung out, for a constant 5 minutes, from my apartment to the class.<br/>But apparently good luck isn't on my side today.<br/>Right when I am 10 steps away from the classroom door, Mr.Yoon take a step in.<br/>Closing the door right before my eyes.<br/>And I know I am doomed.</p><p>Probably trying to pull all-nighter about the task that needed to be handed in two days isn't a good idea after all.<br/>Sometimes I feel like my body can handle all the work I need to be done.<br/>But as a human, my body too needs to rest.</p><p>Feeling hopeless because knowing I need to take extra class next semester, I decided to even if I can't enter doesn't mean I can't study.<br/>I turn around and try to walk to the window that I know a little bit open at the back of the building.<br/>Before reaching the window I meant to go, I bump into someone.<br/>Someone who has a strong scent.<br/>The smell of cigars.<br/>Burnt tobacco that I dislike the most.<br/>Because we both heading in a different direction, the lighter he holds was thrown away.<br/>Just to be polite I pick it up and give it back to him.</p><p>He has a strong face and an intimidating stare.<br/>Even I get a little bit of chill looking at both of his eyes.<br/>Instead of taking the lighter, to my surprise he ask me.</p><p>"Can you light my cigarette?"</p><p>I take a peek at his two hands. Both full of bruises. One of them even has a fresh red blood on it.</p><p>"Help me a little bit, I won't hurt you."</p><p>So I light his cigarette.<br/>He takes a deep breath and exhaling the smoke out.<br/>In front of my face.<br/>I try to avoid as much as the smoke as possible, but because he stands next to me, I can smell the smoke really clear.<br/>I cough a few times, and feel like my lung is full.</p><p>"Ah, sorry. You didn't smoke?"</p><p>I nodded and turn around try to go the window I meant to go to.<br/>The class already 15 minutes in, and I don't want to lose any of the knowledge I can digest.<br/>But a weak touch on my shoulder, taken me back,</p><p>"You didn't want to go in that direction. You dislike smoke right? The back of the building if full of people who smoke."</p><p>I took a peek of the corner I want to go, and I can see smoke coming from there.</p><p>"Thanks for the warning."</p><p>I decide to walk at a fast pace and didn't turn back.<br/>Because the longer I stay close to him and to the source of the smoke, the more I damage my lung.</p><p>I dislike today.<br/>Failed to join the class, even failing to take a little peek inside.<br/>Not being able to listen to the lecture.<br/>I decide to go back to my apartment, taking off all my clothes and take a bath.<br/>Wash my hair and my entire body.<br/>Washing away all the cigar scent that sits on my body.</p><p><br/>I hate the smell of cigars.<br/>And I need to avoid people like him.<br/>Trouble maker.<br/>Bad Influence.<br/>Only hurting themself with every stick of cigarette they take.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Stereotype</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brown eyes, black jeans<br/>Lighters and Cigarette.</p><p>That's what he is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where are you this morning Minhyun?"</p><p>Aron asked me at lunch.<br/>After going back to my apartment making sure I delete all the scent.<br/>I attend the next class, and pretend to be okay.<br/>But I know, Aron will question me a lot at lunch so I just tell everything from why I wake up late to the "incident" that I met someone who asked me to light up their cigarette.</p><p>"So you met, Baekho."</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"Baekho, he is the king of the cafeteria. Always sit in the center with his group. He's a 3rd year, I believe, but he still has a lot of class to attend.<br/>He is also partying a lot. I also hear gossip about him using a drug and having a toxic relationship.<br/>No one ever date him for more than a week.<br/>Thank God you are safe and sound, Minhyun"</p><p>I was taken aback with what Aron saying.<br/>I don't know, that I somehow get involved with someone as troublesome as this Baekho guy.</p><p>"Then, I better not go to the cafeteria then. I don't like the smell of people smoking. And all I can smell from there is burnt tobacco."</p><p>"I know. You dislike the scent just like you dislike strawberry, can I take this one ?"</p><p>Aron point out the fresh strawberry topping on top of my vanilla cake.<br/>We've been friends for 7 years now, and Aron always took the strawberry of everything that I bought.<br/>Cake, Milkshake topping, everything.<br/>I don't understand why people combine vanilla with strawberry.<br/>It's like giving sugar to an already sweet food.<br/>Vanilla alone is enough.</p><p>I don't mind Aron taking all the strawberry away from me, because I dislike it so much.</p><p>I remember the first time I try a strawberry milk when I was a child.<br/>The artificial taste of it is disgusting.<br/>I throw up and from that moment I can't take any form of strawberry, even the real fruit taste too much for me.</p><p>"Let's go to the next class"</p><p>As I follow Aron to the next class.<br/>Passing the cafeteria, Seeing that Baekho guy, there with a bunch of people surrounding him.<br/>Wearing a pair of black jeans and a leather jacket.<br/>He really does look like a typical bad boy from the movie I watch.<br/>Surrounding him is a bunch of guys who basically look the same, with smoke in one hand, and girl on the other.<br/>I dislike that kind of view.<br/>People with that kind of behavior will only ruin their future.</p><p>University is a place to learn.<br/>To study our best so we can have a stable future.<br/>Drinking, Partying, Smoking it's for the troubled teenager.<br/>Who didn't understand the importance of education and a stable future?</p><p>And to my surprise our eyes met.<br/>Mine and Baekho's.<br/>As soon as we make eye contact, I try to turn my face away and look to where I'm going.</p><p>"Hey You!"</p><p>Shoot!</p><p>I stop walking and so does Aron, who is confused.</p><p>"Hey, you, you are the one that I saw this morning right?"</p><p>I turn around and see Baekho in front of me.<br/>With the same smell, probably even stronger now, with his cigar still light up in hand.</p><p>"Yeah, How can I help you?"</p><p>"Ah, to be honest, I don't know how to ask you this. It's pretty embarrassing for me as a senior here to ask you. I heard you are the best at Mrs.Park class right? <br/>I have this task from her that due is next week, If you are free, can you help me a little bit?"</p><p>After hearing his request, Aron suddenly tackle my ankle, giving a signal that probably I need to turn this down.<br/>And I agree with him.<br/>So, politely I refuse him, and continue to go to class.<br/>Leaving him with confuse expression on his face.<br/>But I do not care,<br/>I remind myself that involve with that kind of guy only going to drag me down.</p><p>He will only take advantage of me.<br/>Thinking that his status of being older and is a senior going to make me agree to everything he asks.<br/>I know in the end, I will be the one who finishes his task and not him.<br/>It's better this way.</p><p>"Good Lord Hwang Minhyun, You just refuse the scariest person on this Campus. Wow"</p><p>"Isn't it better this way? Not getting involved with people like him? He also smells like cigarettes. I can't breathe around him."</p><p>"you're right." </p><p>I didn't think too much about the request.<br/>Before again,<br/>The next day I meet him at the library.<br/>With a depressed look on his face.<br/>Rubbing his hand to his hair, exhaling a huge amount of carbon dioxide.<br/>Frustrated.</p><p>I don't think I'm going to meet him here.<br/>I usually go to library to finish my task or if I need a reference for the task given.<br/>I stood there and stare at him for quite some time.<br/>Probably the reason he realize I was staring at him.</p><p>"Oh you are here."</p><p>"I didn't think I'll meet someone like you here. It's like seeing someone photoshopping something that didn't belong to somewhere."</p><p>"I try to finish this task. My friend can't help me with this, so I decide the best way to find the answer is in the library, since you refuse to help me yesterday."</p><p>I take a step closer towards him<br/>He smells the same.<br/>Like the first time we meet, the time in front of the cafeteria and now inside the library.<br/>Probably because of the leather jacket he wears.</p><p>"You won't find the answer from that book, because everything you need to finish that task is in Mrs. Park class."</p><p>I took a deep breath, seeing him being serious like this, probably I can help a little bit.<br/>I believe every good thing we did to someone going to come back around to us.</p><p>"Look, I'll help you in a few conditions"</p><p>"Oh, really?"</p><p>"Only if you agree with my condition."</p><p>"And the conditions are?"</p><p>"First, no smoking around me. You need to take a bath before we doing this task, I dislike the scent of cigarettes.<br/>Second, don't wear your jacket. It must have the cigarette scent all over it.<br/>Third, If you ever try to take advantage and making me the one who working on your task, I'll stop. Are you in?"</p><p>"What? What's wrong with my jacket?"</p><p>"Take it or leave it"</p><p>"Fine. For someone who is smart, you sure have a sharp tongue."</p><p>"Tomorrow, here, 3 pm. With all the condition fulfilled."</p><p>"You're not helping me today?"</p><p>"I have a task to finish too. I can help you finish your task fast."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>I nodded and decide to leave him and leave the library, because I can't stand the smell of cigarette radiating from him.</p><p>"Hey, at least tell me your name!!"</p><p>"Ah, sorry I forget to introduce myself. My name is Hwang Minhyun. You can call me Minhyun."</p><p>"I'm Kang Dongho. I go by Baekho."</p><p>"I know"</p><p>"You know??"</p><p>I nodded, and leave him there.<br/>Before I regret agreeing to help him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Strawberry Mint</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Two things I hate the most.<br/>The scent of cigarettes.<br/>and Strawberry.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To my surprise,<br/>He was there on time without his black leather jacket.<br/>Instead of smelling like a burnt cigarette, he now smells like artificial strawberry.</p><p>"You want one?"</p><p>He tries to offer me one.<br/>But I shake my head. I didn't like strawberry.<br/>I can't eat it.<br/>Baekho is the result of the two things Minhyun hates the most.<br/>Strawberry and Cigarette.<br/>But something about Baekho, pulling Minhyun in.<br/>Into the world of that Minhyun, that time didn't know. And didn't want to get involved too.</p><p>"Let's just start."</p><p>And the two of us drown into a complicated formula that will lead to a chart.<br/>About probability and possibility.<br/>About equilibrium.<br/>The thing that is easy for Minhyun, but for Baekho it was the hardest thing to understand.<br/>Formulation and line of numbers is Minhyun comfort zone.<br/>He can forget about anything in the world and just let his finger type numbers and formulas.<br/>And without both of them realize, It was already 8 pm.<br/>With the task almost done, Minhyun decide to call it a day.</p><p>"We can continue tomorrow."</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>I pick up my belonging that shattered around the table.<br/>Zip my bag and bid a goodbye at Baekho.<br/>That's when something unexpected happens.</p><hr/><p>I never ever still outside after 10 pm.<br/>But here I am, on top of the hill on the other side of the city.<br/>With Baekho, looking at city lights, and the star.<br/>He offer me a ride back to my apartment, and I didn't decline him.<br/>But instead of taking me home, he took me to a restaurant first.<br/>He said he wants to repay me.<br/>So I just go along with him.</p><p>But I don't know what's possessing me when I agree to go somewhere else other than my place.<br/>And now I ended up here.<br/>It's not that I hate it, but it is my first time being outside.<br/>I remember the task that I need to hand tomorrow, but I can just do it in the morning.<br/>Because tonight, I want to enjoy this scenery.</p><p>The city lights, The star, and Him.<br/>The one who brought me here.</p><p>"You mind if I smoke here?"</p><p>I nod.<br/>He lights his cigarette, and smoke it away.<br/>The smoke that comes from the cigar gets blown by the night wind, So It didn't bother that much.<br/>Even If I can still smell a hint of it.<br/>Baekho decide to open two of his button.</p><p>He looks unreal.<br/>ethereal.</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>One night after the other.<br/>It become a routine.<br/>And I move along with it.<br/>From the first, the second, and the next one.<br/>I enjoy every moment I spent with him.<br/>Something I never felt before.<br/>I feel free.<br/>And he, despite being tough outside, he is really soft.<br/>He has a smile that can light your whole night.<br/>His eyes, is a whole another galaxy<br/>Full of expression that can make my heart jump a lot.<br/>Not just a little bit.</p><p>I like being around him<br/>Despite the smell of smoke that always follows him around.<br/>He tried not to when he is around me.<br/>Instead he always brings a pack of strawberry mint on his jacket.<br/>And I don't know since when, I start to bring a pack too.<br/>Just in case he running out of one.</p><p>He was surprised that one time I offer him a pack.<br/>"You must have prepared this for me right? Since you didn't eat one."<br/>I just smile, as I feel the heat coming to my face.<br/>He smiles, and takes the mint away with him.<br/>Out of all things that are beautiful in this world.<br/>I think his smile is my favorite.</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Long nights, daydreams</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Aron : Are you skipping class again?</p>
  <p>Me : I'm sorry</p>
  <p>Aron: Let me guess, again, Baekho?</p>
  <p>Me: hehehe , I'll buy u lunch today</p>
  <p>Aron: Deal, but I want to see Mrs. Kim task too</p>
  <p>Me : I'm almost done with that</p>
  <p>Aron : Almost is so not you Minhyun.</p>
  <p>Me : We can finish it together at lunch?</p>
  <p>Aron : Where do you want to go get lunch?</p>
  <p>Me: How about campus cafeteria?</p>
  <p>Aron : Really? Hwang Minhyun want to eat at the cafeteria?</p>
  <p>Me : Yes, see you at 12!</p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>I always hate going to smoke free area.<br/>When you can't even breathe freely because of the smoke.<br/>But here I am, with Aron, eating my lunch.<br/>At the place I avoid the most since I enter college.<br/>Only so I can greet him,<br/>Even if I can't have lunch with him.</p><p>"So, tell me Minhyun. Are you dating him right now?"</p><p>"No.. I don't know"</p><p>"You've been spending more time with him now. And that's not the Hwang Minhyun I know."</p><p>"umm, I like him a lot. I don't know how, when, I just did. I know I sound so stupid."</p><p>"Well, I'm just concern, you always come home late, and I know we have a lot of tasks, and the final week is coming soon. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."</p><p>"I'm fine."</p><p><br/>I probably make a mistake.<br/>But as I said,<br/>I don't know when.<br/>I don't know-how.<br/>I just did.<br/>I fall.<br/>For someone who is the opposite of what I'm looking for.<br/>And he too always being associated with the two things I hate the most.<br/>Strawberry and cigarettes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. About Partying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remember when you taught me fate<br/>Said it'd all be worth the wait<br/>Like that night in the back of the cab<br/>When your fingers walked in my hand</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another thing I learned this past week<br/>That Baekho love to go out to party.<br/>Getting drunk.<br/>And he will not be around campus the day after.</p><p>Hangover.</p><p>He left my chat on read yesterday, after canceling our "date night".<br/>Well, probably I'm the one who called it a date.<br/>So today, since I didn't have any morning class I decide to go to his apartment.<br/>With anti-hangover kit.<br/>Hot soup and aspirin, in the hope that this will make him feel a little bit better.<br/>I push his bell and wait for him to open it.</p><p>"Who's there?"</p><p>He open the door.<br/>And he is there, standing bare-chested.<br/>With his tattoo exposed in front of my eyes.<br/>I try to cover myself out of embarrassment.<br/>Seeing him shirtless, making my heart beats faster.<br/>But, I saw it.<br/>A red marks.<br/>Right there on the crook of his neck.<br/>And I'm not a fool for not knowing what the marks come from.<br/>I know exactly what it is.<br/>I try to bury the fact that it hurt me, seeing the mark right there.<br/>Which means, he's done it.<br/>With someone else who is not me.</p><p>"I bring you soup and aspirin. hehe"<br/>I try to give my best smile.</p><p>"You didn't have to. Come on in, let me put on something first."</p><p>I walk into his apartment.<br/>Put what I bring for him on top of the table.<br/>Taking a deep breath. Smelling his apartment<br/>That smell just like him.<br/>Like a cigarette.</p><p>He comes back with a thin white t-shirt, covering his top.<br/>He starts to eat the soup I bring him, happily.</p><p>"Is it nice?" I ask out of curiosity.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Partying... Getting drunk... Can you invite me next time?"</p><p>"No." He answered. <br/>dense. concise. clear.</p><p>"Why? It won't hurt me. I'm old enough for it too. If you won't let me go with you, I can go alone."</p><p>"NO!" He slam the spoon to the table. His voice rising.</p><p>It shocked me. So I just look down. I didn't have any courage to put my face up to see him.<br/>My whole body starts to shake.</p><p>It startle me.<br/>I didn't know he will be mad because of a little teasing.<br/>I feel like tears can burst out of my eyes at any time now.</p><p>But instead, he stand up and put my head on his stomach.<br/>Caressing my hair, giving me a little pats.<br/>I took a deep breath, inhaling his masculine smell, and also his signature cigarette smell.<br/>He gives the top of my head a kiss.</p><p>"Don't go out partying, Minhyun-ah"</p><p>I nodded. And he hug me even tighter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Drug and Medicine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You always leave me wanting more<br/>I can't shake my hunger for<br/>--<br/>Remember when you taught me fate<br/>Said it'd all be worth the wait?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Aron : Hwang Minhyun are you skipiing class again with Baekho? </em>
    <br/>
    <em>Me : No, I'm sick</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Aron : WHAT? LET ME COME. HAVE YOU EAT YET? YOU HAVE MEDICINE RIGHT?</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Me : Calm down. Baekho going to take care of me. He'll come soon.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Aron : Okay then. Take care dude.</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Me : hehe , thanks!</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>Always having a fixed sleep schedule and suddenly changing it to the extreme is not good.<br/>My body literally collapse.<br/>From being able to sleep at 10 pm, now spending a long night with the one and only Baekho.<br/>He's taking me places I've never been to.<br/>That first hills, the rooftop of an old building, and many unique cafe I never visit.<br/>With him, everything seems ethereal.<br/>Shinning brightly even when the dark skies covering the night.</p><p>Despite all the happy moments I got the spent with Baekho, my body give up on me.<br/>Need to hand in a lot of task and report since the final is really near,<br/>not getting the sleep that I need.<br/>Following the class schedule and spending the night with my sweet escape in the form of Baekho.<br/>Even if he smoke or eating that strawberry mint he like the most,<br/>I enjoy everything about him.<br/>He is like my happy little pill,<br/>I never ever taste what ecstasy is, but I think I get the idea of why people get addicted to that bad thing.<br/>Just like Baekho, my happy little pill.<br/>I am addicted to him.<br/>Numb my body with every single touch, yet I hunger for more.<br/>Giving colors to my gray plain life.<br/>With him, I'm in an unknown place, but I feel like I belong there.</p><p>But a pure untouched body of mine couldn't take it.<br/>The aftereffect of taking my "happy little pill" almost every night.<br/>I overdose myself in the hope that one of that night, his hand will fit mine and he'll be going to whisper the three words of wonder.<br/>He is an enigma.<br/>Something more complicated than all the formulation I've ever studied.<br/>But he is the only person who really suck me into this beautiful blackhole of adventure that I can let myself lost in.</p><p>Even when I know, he'll not reply to me when he's busy partying.<br/>Taking the kind of pill that I don't.<br/>Busy being so high, but not the type of high I felt when he's around me.<br/>Feeling intoxicated, but not because of Hwang Minhyun.<br/>But that jack daniel's<br/>I know.<br/>But I decide to stay silent.<br/>Because I don't want this to end.</p><p>This.<br/>He taking care of me while I can't barely move.<br/>Wrap me with a soft blanket so I'll feel warm and comfortable.<br/>Feeding me with mushy porridge, making sure I eat properly.<br/>Taking my medicine, and wait for me to fall asleep.</p><p>"Thank you, Baekho... oppa..."</p><p>I shyly said that.</p><p>He gave me my favorite drug to take.<br/>His smile with a warm brown eyes staring inside my soul.</p><p>"Rest Minhyun-ah."</p><p>Keep holds my hand Baekho Oppa.<br/>Keep caressing my cheek Baekho Oppa.<br/>Keep giving me little kisses on to of my head Baekho Oppa.<br/>Don't stop.</p><p>As my thought slowly wondering to the dreamland.<br/>Where only happy things happen, not like the uncertainties in real life.<br/>Staying sick like this, sleeping in peace, with Baekho arms in mine.<br/>I wish this would last forever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I've Change ; He didn't</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Like that night in the back of the cab<br/>When your fingers walked in my hand<br/>Next day, nothin' on my phone<br/>But I can still smell you on my clothes</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey Aron!!"</p><p>"Uh, Min, You smell like smoke."</p><p>"Eh? Really? I didn't notice it. Probably because I wear this jacket yesterday when I went out with Baekho."</p><p>"You go out again with him?"</p><p>"Yeah, but not until very late at night, he's going to a party with Ren and JR"</p><p>"You didn't go to the party right?"</p><p>"No, I didn't. I asked him once, but he said no. He looks angry so I didn't even dare to ask him twice."</p><p>Aron looking at me with a sharp gaze. I try to ignore him, but deep down I know.<br/>I have changed.<br/>Didn't notice the trace of smoke scent on my jacket, when usually I am very sensitive to the smell.<br/>But I didn't think about it too much. Since I need to think about the other thing.<br/>The Final Week.</p><p>---</p><p>I never felt so nervous, waiting for the result to come out.<br/>Final was always been easy for me.<br/>But this time it's different.<br/>I might spend the last day of studying trying to study with Baekho.<br/>Which didn't end up well for me, since my brain couldn't concentrate enough in the book.<br/>And for once when I can finally focus, Baekho loses his and start playing with my hand, and that also didn't help at all.<br/>I try to ask him to take me home, but he refuses, saying that I will just going to ignore him and he might end up drinking tonight if I didn't spend the night with him and keep him away from his friend.<br/>He for once, want to take the test and do better.<br/>And who am I kidding? I can't refuse his big puppy eyes when he asked me to stay.</p><p>So, I ended up pulling an all-nighter because the study time I have with him is just me trying to calm my heart.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Baekho : Did you get your result yet?<br/>Me : Yeah... My score went down..<br/>Baekho : What? How come? You are very smart... What is your score?<br/>Me : 3.4<br/>Baekho : Wth? 3.4 is not that bad!! I never get over 3. This semester I got 3.0 , thanks to you<br/>Me: Glad to hear that your score went up<br/>Baekho : If 3.4 is low for you, what did you get usually?<br/>Me : 3.9...<br/>Baekho : You are a smart ass.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Seeing my score went down, I realize being around Baekho wasn't that good of an influence.<br/>But seeing his score went up, make me feel a little bit better about the whole situation.<br/>As long as he is happy, I'm happy too.<br/>for now.</p><hr/><p>To distract me from the result, Aron drags me to this end of the year dinner.<br/>Which held near the hill on the other side of the city.<br/>Before going there I sent a text to Baekho, telling him that I can't hang out tonight because of the dinner.<br/>To my surprise he replied to me in a second, and offer a ride there.<br/>But sadly, I need to refuse since I already promise Aron to go there with him and the other.<br/>It's been a long time since I hang out with them.<br/>Not Aron, but Jinyoung, Daniel, Jisung. My closest classmate other than Aron.<br/>But on the bright side, Baekho insist to pick me up after the dinner is over.<br/>And I gladly accept that.</p><p>The dinner went by so quickly.<br/>Because my mind keeps wondering about Baekho that will pick me up later.<br/>I probably should introduce him to Aron, so he will trust Baekho a little bit more.<br/>And right after the dinner is over, I send a text to Baekho</p><p>
  <strong>21.30</strong>
</p><p>      </p><p>"Baekho will pick you up right?"<br/>Aron asks, probably to make sure I'm going to be back home safely.</p><p>"He already read my message, probably driving now since he is not replying"</p><p>"Okay, text me If you need something."</p><p>I wave him goodbye and idly wait for Baekho to arrive.</p><p>
  <strong>23.50</strong>
</p><p>Still no sign of Baekho.<br/>The restaurant already closing down, and I just stand there like an idiot waiting for him.<br/>This place is a bit far from the middle of the city, so it'll be hard to order an online taxi or a regular taxi.</p><p>He promises me he will pick me up.<br/>He will pick me upright?<br/>I try to calm myself up.</p><p>
  <strong>01.00</strong>
</p><p>I never felt this hopeless.<br/>Waiting for someone who never comes.<br/>But my heart still believes that somehow he will come to pick me up.<br/>I just need to wait a little bit longer right?<br/>Probably his car is broken and needs to be fixed first?<br/>He wouldn't forget about me right?</p><p>All the thought that I have in my brain suddenly disappear when I saw a car stopping near a narrow alley near wear I stand.<br/>I see bunch of drunk guys went down from the car and walk inside the alley.<br/>They laugh, making loud noises, and I can see bunch of smokes coming out of there.<br/>My body froze.<br/>I'm scared.</p><p>So, I decided to text him again.</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>02.00</strong>
</p><p>I squat down, try to hold my tears.<br/>Try to hide from the group of guys who still making noises in that alley.<br/>He didn't come.<br/>He read my text yet he didn't come.<br/>He promise me.<br/>But he didn't pick me up.</p><p>And My Heart still decline the fact that he didn't come.<br/>He must have his own reason.<br/>A strong reason that held him down from picking me up.<br/>I was blinded and couldn't think straight.<br/>And my hand just press the number that I know, will help me.</p><p>Aron.<br/>I was so relieve when he picking up my call.</p><p>"Aron... he didn't come.."<br/>I broke down as I speak to him.</p><p>"What? Minhyun? Where are you?"</p><p>"He didn't pick me up Aron..."</p><p>"Don't tell me that you're still at the restaurant"</p><p>I couldn't bring myself to say yes, I just cry instead.<br/>And the next thing I know is Aron picking me up, and cursing all the way from the restaurant to my home.</p><p>"Thank you, Aron."</p><p>"Dude, seriously, you need to stop hanging with him. Look at you now."</p><p>I just smile at him.</p><p>I can't Aron. I already falling too deep for him.</p><p>I enter my home, and check my phone again.<br/>Sending a few more messages for him.</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I lay there in my bed. Staring at the ceiling.</p><p>Hoping that tears would erase this painful feeling.</p><p>Hoping that tears would help me go to sleep.</p><p>Hoping that tomorrow is better for today.</p><p> </p><p>Hoping that somewhere inside Baekho heart.</p><p>There is a place for me.</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Next day, nothin' on my phone</em>
    <br/>
    <em>But I can still smell you on my clothes</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Always hoping things would change</em>
    <br/>
    <em>But we went right back to your games</em>
  </p>
  <p>pls listen to strawberries and cigarretes and cry with me.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. About Kang Dongho</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Long nights, daydreams<br/>With that sugar and smoke rings<br/>Always taste like you</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <strong>Kang Dongho POV</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>My head feels so heavy as I open my eyes.<br/>
Trying to move and wake up from the bed, but something holding me back,<br/>
Ren was sleeping on my bed with legs on my chest.<br/>
I shove both of his legs, trying to free myself.<br/>
I took a deep breath before attempting to wake up again.<br/>
My head spins around as I take a sit on the tip of my bed. <br/>
My hand tries to reach the drawer where I usually put my phone before sleep.<br/>
But it wasn't there. I push my self so I can stand and try to walk to the door.<br/>
Another body was laying down on the floor. Jonghyun.<br/>
He passed out on the floor and making a grumbling sound when my feet stumble upon his body.</p><p>"Shit"</p><p>I can't remember what happened last night at all.</p><p>"Jonghyun, wake up, get off the floor, get up"</p><p>I try to shake the sleeping body, try to lift him up so he'll wake up and move from the floor.<br/>
But my whole body felt so weak.<br/>
Every muscle on my body went sore and lose their energy.</p><p>"Goddamit Alcohol!"</p><p>--</p><p>"Jonghyun wake up, wake up. NOW!"</p><p>"Argh, What do you want Baekho?"</p><p>"I can't remember what happened last night."</p><p>"You are dead drunk."</p><p>"Drunk?" </p><p>"If Ren didn't drag you back home, I don't know where are you going to end up this morning."</p><p>"Did I do something crazy last night?"</p><p>"Go look in the mirror dude."</p><p>I walk outside my bedroom and look at the mess around my apartment. Walking to my bathroom to see what happen to my body.</p><p>"What the fuck?"</p><p>Red marks. Purple-ish marks. All over my chest and neck.</p><p>"Wait, Are you serious now, Why this mark is over here?"</p><p>As I found another one right in the corner of my jaw.<br/>
What happen last night must be crazy.<br/>
But I still felt like there's something missing.<br/>
Felt like I forgot something important.<br/>
I search around the apartment, and back to my room.<br/>
Finding my jeans laying down on the floor.</p><p>"Found you"</p><p>When I look at the screen, the reality hits me.<br/>
20 missed calls,<br/>
20 unread messages.<br/>
All from Minhyun.</p><p>"Fuck"</p><p>I remember now, I was supposed to pick Minhyun up at the dinner last night, but Ren and Jonghyun storm to my apartment and drag me to the club.<br/>
And it went downhill from that.<br/>
The last text Minhyun sent me was hurtful.<br/>
I quickly grab a maroon long sleeve turtle neck, hoping that it can cover 'wtf' was going on under the clothes.<br/>
And driving to Minhyun's place.</p><p>As soon as I arrive, I knock on his door.<br/>
Hoping that he will open his door.<br/>
I need to apologize.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Hwang Minhyun POV</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>10 a.m</p><p>Who's coming here so early in the morning on a Saturday?<br/>
And what's surprised me the most is finding Baekho in front of my door.<br/>
Pulling me to a hug.<br/>
And not letting me go for a whole minute.</p><p>"I'm sorry"</p><p>"It's okay Baekho, I'm safe. I'm here now."</p><p>As he loosening his hug and looking at me in the eyes.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Minhyun-ah"</p><p>"It's okay. I'm here. I'm safe"</p><p>After staring at my face for quite sometimes, he hug me again.</p><p>"Oppa, are you okay?"</p><p>"I feel a bit dizzy, and my stomach hurt a little bit."</p><p>"Want to come in? I can make you breakfast."</p><p>"I don't want to burden you more. I didn't pick you up last night, I don't want to add more burden to you. You must feel so scared."</p><p>"I'm really fine, Baekho. You better go home and eat, don't forget to drink medicine."</p><p>"I will. Thanks, Minhyun-ah."</p><p>He hug me once more, and he left.<br/>
I close my doors.<br/>
And squat down.</p><p>Baekho, I know you are having a hangover. <br/>
You smell like alcohol.<br/>
Smoke.<br/>
And a hint of strawberry perfume.<br/>
I hate it.</p><p>Baekho, I know what you're hiding.<br/>
I can see a hint of red-ish color on your jaw.<br/>
No one wears a long sleeve turtle neck on a summer day.<br/>
I know what you're doing last night.<br/>
I hate it.</p><p>Even when I know, I still love you.<br/>
I couldn't get angry at you.<br/>
Not when the first thing you do when you're waking up is going to my place.<br/>
Hugging me tight.</p><p>I hate it, the fact that I've fallen so deeply for you.<br/>
I hate the fact that I love you,<br/>
Kang Dongho</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>And even if I run away<br/>
Give my heart a holiday<br/>
Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you<br/>
You always leave me wanting more<br/>
I can't shake my hunger for<br/>
Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Strawberries and Cigarettes always taste like you<br/>*rolls to my corner and hide forever with angsty</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 90 days of summer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I've been a fool<br/>But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>And even if I run away</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give my heart a holiday</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You always leave me wanting more</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't shake my hunger for</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>The summer break is here.</p><p>A full 90 days without any class and assignment.</p><p>For the first time in my life I was looking forward for the break to come.</p><p>Maybe because my mind was imagining how will I spent the break.</p><p> </p><p>With Baekho.</p><p> </p><p>Will he ask me to go to the beach?</p><p>Spending a night or two, enjoying the sunset.</p><p>Or maybe going on a camp trip?</p><p>Because he do like hiking and looking at the starty night even when he's brigther than any star that exist in the sky.</p><p>Should I prepare sun screen then?</p><p>Or clothes that I will wear?</p><p>I was happy making up scenes on my head.</p><p>While reality is not a beautiful as the sunset I watch with Baekho inside my head.</p><p>Or as magical as the shooting star I said my wish to inside Baekho arm in one of many scenario I made up inside this foolish crazy in love boy brain.</p><p> </p><p>But again. Reality is not my best friend.</p><p>Feels like the universe using it powers to pull him out of my reach.</p><p>But I didn't want to let him go.</p><p>I've fallen too deep for him.</p><p> </p><p>If you ask me what happen after the night he forget to pick me up.</p><p>I act like nothing actually happen. Since I don't want him to feel guilty.</p><p>He change a little bit, being more touchy and protective over me.</p><p>Sometimes I wonder If he want to actually giving me a heart attack by gently stroking my hair, caressing my cheeks, saying something like</p><p>"If you need something, call me. I promise this time I'll go straight to you"</p><p>He made me feel special.</p><p>But in reality, I don't know If I was as special as him to me as I was to him.</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Me : Break is finally here!</p><p>Baekho : Yeah finally :)</p><p>Me : Have any plan this summer?</p><p>Baekho : I'm gonna go back to Jeju, spending my time there, back in my home town. Since there's nothing I can do here.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing you can do here?</p><p>What about me Kang?</p><p>Am I still nothing to you?</p><p>After all this time?</p><p> </p><p>Me : Ah , I see have a good break there! Don't get heat stroke :)</p><p>Baekho : Sure :)</p><p> </p><p>Sure.</p><p>:)</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Day 7 of Summer Break</p><p> </p><p>Me : Look at this shell I found! Did you go to the beach??</p><p>[Photo Sent]</p><p>-Read</p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Day 15 of Summer Break</p><p> </p><p>Me : Vanilla Ice Cream is the best for a hot sunny day :D</p><p>[Photo Sent]</p><p>-Read</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Day 30 of Summer Break</p><p>Me : It's been a month, how are you doing?</p><p>-Read</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Day 55</p><p>Me : Baekho.... Are you busy?</p><p>-Read</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>Day 60</p><p>Me : You must be busy enjoying the summer vacation have fun!!</p><p>[Selfie Sent]</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p>Day 90</p><p> </p><p>And just like that summer break is over.</p><p>Without a single message from Baekho.</p><p>I know.</p><p>I shouldn't be making any expectation.</p><p>But again, I don't blame my brain functioning that way making up scenario of a beautiful Summer Vacation.</p><p>While the reality is "Sure :)" was the last thing he said to me.</p><p>Over a text.</p><p> </p><p>But hey, on the bright side, now we are back at Uni.</p><p>I can finally meet him again right?</p><p>And maybe his signal just really bad or probably he just want to enjoy his vacation to the fullest.</p><p> </p><p>So, again, the day before class going to start.</p><p>My foolish heart commanding my brain into making a scenario when I met Baekho for the first time after being ignored for 90 days, he'll say sorry and hug me tight just like he use to do.</p><p>With the smell of strawberries and cigarettes of him.</p><p> </p><p>Baekho yah, tell me one thing?</p><p>Is falling in love to a person is this painful?</p><p>Or is it just me?</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I've been a fool</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey :)<br/>Sorry for long update.<br/>Real life matter hit me hard.<br/>I'll be back soon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I love you.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>But.....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>I feel like a ghost in a world full of lives.<br/>I feel like a ghost who runs from time and spaces trying to find something and never be able to touch it again.</p><p>I feel empty inside, and the world and daily activities just a distraction from the one and only person I want to touch.<br/>Not being able to talk to him while he is right there in the place he usually is.</p><p>There is this silence inside my soul when I catch a glimpse of him for the first time after the break.<br/>I feel the chill running down my blood, bringing coldness through every synapse of my body to my brain and making me standstill.<br/>Pain.<br/>I can only feel pain.<br/>The one that I've been enduring, the one that keeps me awake from my sleep.<br/>And the only thing that can bring me to the dreamland is the anesthesia from false hope.<br/>That one of these days he will contact me again, and things will just go back to the way it used to.</p><p>Missing him it's like a void. <br/>A dark void. <br/>A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, left you feeling nothing. Empty.</p><p>Baekho yah? <br/>Is today is a good day to talk to you?<br/>But seeing you there looking "normal", I feel my chest going to blow up.<br/>Probably not today.<br/>Tomorrow.<br/>Let me talk to you tomorrow.</p><p>///</p><p>"Baekho"</p><p>I call him.<br/>After deciding to talk to him today.<br/>In the middle of the cafeteria that packed with people and smoke.<br/>But even though the smell of cigarettes in the air makes me feel sick.<br/>But nothing more suffocating than not being able to convey my feelings that been longing for so long.</p><p>"Ah Minhyun-ah, come sit here. Have you eat lunch yet?" he asks me.</p><p>"Hahahaha Baekho, I never knew you like the innocent-type"</p><p>"Must be tasty right, Baekho-sshi?"</p><p>Both Ren and JR tease Baekho while I try to take another step forward closer to him.</p><p>"I just want to talk to you about something"</p><p>"Here?"</p><p>"Yeah here."</p><p>Baekho making a weird gesture. And I notice that probably he didn't want to talk in public.<br/>So, again, I endure the pain that's been staying inside my heart for quite some time now.</p><p>"Hmm, maybe later, I need to go now, Bye Baekho hyung"</p><p>And I run away again. From the pain and the pain killer itself.<br/>Trying to calm the storm that is happening inside me.<br/>Now that I think about the thing that happen between me and him.<br/>I have always been a giver, warm and loving. <br/>Often he searches for me in times of trouble and I gave all I had - my whole heart and showered love upon him.<br/>But never the other way around.<br/>I'm so sick of this feeling and yet I can't deny the feeling of hunger for his touch and the existence of him.</p><p>///</p><p>But when you're blindly in love, you do stuff you shouldn't right?<br/>Like going back to his door, trying to see if he'll let you in, but instead, you're feeling paranoid and just squat down near the entrance and let the rain pour you with water.<br/>At least when you're drenched under the rain, no one will notice the tears that stream down your face right?</p><p>Because I did that.</p><p>Being a fool who is in love with someone so deeply, and trying to find a chance of getting back to his embrace.<br/>Not giving any care of my own body, I just wish him to accept me.</p><p>I was lost inside my mind before suddenly I see Baekho trying to pull out his car.<br/>Probably planning on going to a party or get a drink or two.<br/>When he saw me drenched under the rain, he was shocked.</p><p>"Minhyun? What are you doing here? You're wet, Oh Gosh, Let's go inside."</p><p>He held me in his arm, and he feels warm.<br/>So warming to the point even the coldness inside my heart was gone.<br/>I want to be with him.</p><p>"Go take a bath, I'll prepare the exchange clothes. Go."<br/>He asked me.<br/>But instead, I shake my head and hugging him tightly.<br/>I hear a long sigh coming from him, stroking my wet hair slowly and giving it a light kiss.</p><p>"Go, or you'll catch a cold. Please."</p><p>And I nodded. I take a warm bath, wearing the clothes he has prepared.<br/>Too big for my skinny body, but his dry clothes feel warm touching my skin.<br/>Smell just like Baekho. Peculiar. A hint of cigarette and strawberry perfume.<br/>Suddenly I remember when he takes care of me when I was sick back then.<br/>And a single drop of tears streams down my face.<br/>The minute my eyes caught his being again, I run and hug him.<br/>Not wanting to be separated from him again.<br/>I just want to be with him no matter what happens.<br/>And my tears just burst out of my control.</p><p>He guide me that is still hugging him to the sofa.<br/>Make me sit there. Making me let go of my hug and he just gets down on his knee, looking deeply to my eyes.<br/>He looks... </p><p>Tired.</p><p>"I don't want to see you cry..."</p><p>"Did I make any mistake, Baekho?" With the last bit of energy I had left, I speak up my mind with a sob in between. </p><p>"I'm not angry when you're not picking me up<br/>I'm not angry when you go partying or drinking<br/>even when I really hate the smell of cigarettes, I let you smoke near me.<br/>I'll stand beside you. Any time of the day.<br/>Please, don't act like this."</p><p>Baekho gives a thin smile.</p><p>"Nothing wrong, Min... You've been holding all of this up until now right?"</p><p>I shake my head.</p><p>"No.. Really..." I lie. It hurt, from time to time, and it pains me even more now.</p><p>"Nobody makes a mistake here. Not you, Not me.</p><p>We are just...</p><p>Different."</p><p>Different. It's the word you avoid. <br/>Because no matter how much different my world compare to him, I still think I can be with him.</p><p>"I'm not blind Minhyun-ah. I've seen you change this past month.<br/>And It's not good for you.</p><p>In your standard, Probably I'm not good enough. I'm just a troublemaker.<br/>But this is me.<br/>And I don't want to change you, I don't want to make you change not for the better but for the worst."</p><p>That right there, his honest sentence, bring the worst cry out of me.<br/>I understand him fully.<br/>I know. I've change. I understand it, more than anyone else.<br/>At the back of my head, I know.<br/>I know the fact that I've changed, but my heart keeps telling me no.</p><p>"But I.." I try my best to speak, and not shaking because I know, If I'm not saying this now, I'll just regret it forever. </p><p>" I love you very much..."</p><p>Baekho holds both of my hands and closing the distance between our faces.</p><p>"Me too, Minhyun. I love you Hwang Minhyun...<br/>I have never met someone like you<br/>But we are...very different...<br/>I'll just cause you more pain if you stay beside me...<br/>And seeing you like this, you're just going to hold it all in.<br/>Right?"</p><p>Again, he give me a thin smile you dislike very much.<br/>a forced smile but I can see it in his eyes, that he is sad.<br/>I can't give him an answer and just my cry goes louder.</p><p>He wipes my tears with his hand.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Minhyun-ah...<br/>I'm just a coward,<br/>I can't tell you directly to you before...<br/>You have to come to me first like this.<br/>I don't deserve someone like you..."</p><p>I still couldn't find a word. </p><p>As he closing the gap between our faces.<br/>So close that I can even count every single lashes on his eyes.<br/>Beautiful.</p><p>I always dream of this moment.<br/>His soft lips on mine.<br/>But never in a million years, I imagine it like this.<br/>Not like this.<br/>Not this painful.</p><p>I always wish that our first kiss would happen inside his car, or after a night drive, or maybe at the hill, the day when we study for the final.</p><p>Or even inside the cinema, when the movie is playing. <br/>Stealing a moment in the dark for a gentle little kiss so no one will notice.<br/>Or anything else other than this.</p><p>A kiss full of tears.<br/>A kiss full of pain.</p><p>I took a deep painful breath before closing my eyes, returning his kiss. <br/>Deeply.</p><p>It tastes sweet.<br/>Tastes of cigarette and strawberry mint.<br/>Apparently the taste of cigarette is sweet <br/>and it turns out that the taste of strawberry isn't that sweet.</p><p>The Taste of Baekho...</p><p>A bittersweet pain</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please Don't Hate Me.<br/>I cry writing this chapter.<br/>I don't know why but this is it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Strawberry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remember when we first met?<br/>You said "light my cigarette"<br/>So I lied to my mom and dad<br/>I jumped the fence and I ran<br/>But we couldn't go very far<br/>'Cause you locked your keys in your car<br/>So you sat and stared at my lips<br/>And I could already feel your kiss</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The story of love is consist of a hello and a goodbye.<br/>It's the emptiest and yet the fullest of all human gesture.<br/>I’m floating. I’m flowing. I’m loving, but yet I keep hurting myself.<br/>As Baekho let go of our kiss, the extreme heart stabbing pain come back to my chest.<br/>Slow but surely, he let go and finish the last soft touch from his lips on mine, and finish it.<br/>I open my eyes and Baekho just stared at me, deeply.<br/>Painfully.<br/>He stared with his dreamy eyes that I fall for, and yet, at this moment, all I can feel his pain.<br/>A deep pain that was reflected with only a short, short gaze.<br/>Sadness.<br/>Regret.<br/>Afraid.</p><p>I don't know how many times my tears stream down my face.<br/>Before I hear a loud knock at the door.</p><p>"Minhyun-ah, listen, Go home, yeah? That's Aron picking you up." Baekho tell me. Softly.<br/>Yet there is some sort of coldness in his voice.</p><p>"I don't want to." <br/>I answer impulsively, putting and grabbing his neck, and put my whole face on his crook, and cry.</p><p>"If you stay here any longer, Minhyun-ah, I will really really going to do things you'll regret later. And be a bad guy to you," he whispers slowly to my ear.</p><p>An answer was stuck between my throat. <br/>Trying to escape but yet, it didn't.<br/>The answer was so clear inside my heart.</p><p>
  <em>"It's okay. Do it. I'm okay with it."</em>
</p><p>And I realize, what he meant.<br/>He's right about the changes inside me.<br/>About his influence, about me and him.</p><p>Baekho stand up and loosening my hug from his neck.<br/>I quickly stand up too.<br/>Hugging him tightly, didn't want to let go.<br/>Pulling him close to me, hand on his back and his waist.<br/>I hug him like never before.<br/>Like it was our first hug.<br/>Because I know,<br/>This is it.<br/>The last time I can hug Baekho tightly.<br/>Not willing to let him go that fast.</p><p>And he, hugging me more tightly than I do.<br/>Just to drag me to the door.<br/>And the sound of knocking just sound louder and louder.</p><p>"Minhyun, listen..."<br/>Baekho put his hand behind my head and tilt it so I look up and face him.<br/>Again, when I see his face, A bit of tears falling.</p><p>"I love you, but maybe, my love wasn't strong enough, wasn't strong enough to change myself for you."</p><p>I was stunned.</p><p>I guess this is it.<br/>The answer to all the questions I've been always questioning about him, about his feeling, about us.<br/>That one single sentence, answer all of it.<br/>All the bullshit sweet for nothing talk, everything is nothing.<br/>Everything felt like a play and this is the climax,<br/>all the question that has been playing over and over again inside my head has been answered.<br/>The one answer I've been looking for has been delivered to me.</p><p>Somehow Baekho manages to open the door, and Aron just drags me outside.<br/>Looking angry and sad at the same time.</p><p>"Thanks, Aron."</p><p>"No need dude, If you will excuse us."</p><p>And just like that, Aron drag me and put me inside his car.<br/>I let my body get dragged by Aron, in full silence.<br/>Without any consciousness, I look back and my eyes <br/>painfully always manage to catch the figure of Baekho.<br/>For the last time. I take a good look at the man.<br/>My first love.<br/>My first kiss.<br/>My first heartbreak.</p><p>He... wave while smiling with the smile that I hate the most right now.<br/>That used to be my favorite.<br/>The car starts to drive away, <br/>away from Baekho.<br/>And his figure slowly disappear.</p><p>There is no more rain pouring outside.<br/>It has stopped for quite some time.<br/>But it turns out there is one rain that hasn't died down yet.<br/>A heavy one deep inside my heart.<br/>And again, I broke down in tears.</p><hr/><p>Aron stop his car near a park not far away from our apartment.</p><p>"Let's cool down here for a bit."</p><p>Still sob a little bit, I follow Aron to the bench inside the park.<br/>I sit there and take a deep breath, let everything that just happen to settle inside me.<br/>I try hard to make up with the pain.<br/>Swallowing it, try to accept reality.</p><p>"Wait here, I'll buy a box of tissue there at the minimarket.<br/>Anything for you? Water or something?"</p><p>I saw a really worried face of Aron.</p><p>"Strawberry Flavored Milk" I answer.</p><p>"What? Really?"</p><p>"Yes, Strawberry Flavored Milk."</p><p>Aron nodded, with a confused expression and quickly went to the minimarket.<br/>After 5 minutes, he handed me a bottle of strawberry milk that I ask him to buy.<br/>With a little bit of doubt inside me, I take the bottle from him.<br/>Open it, and took a little sip.</p><p>It smells weird.<br/>It tastes weird.<br/>Too sweet.<br/>Too much sugar.<br/>Too much.<br/>I stand up and puke on the bushes behind the bench.</p><p>"Yah, Minhyun-ah! Why did you ask me to buy you strawberry milk?<br/>When you can't drink it? And Why the hell I just buy you one."</p><p>I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, still coughing a little bit.</p><p>"Ah, it turns out I still can't." I laugh a little bit.</p><p>"I want to try, the taste of strawberry milk. But still, apparently, I can't."<br/>My tears comebacks again.</p><p>"There are a few things in this world that can not be forced, right?" I said that to myself.</p><p>Aron just sits there, in silence. He probably knows that I need time to explain everything that just happens.<br/>He's my best friend after all.<br/>He knows that I don't need a word of wisdom from him, I just need to convince myself that everything going to be okay.<br/>He just sit there with me.<br/>Patting my back, trying to stop my tears.<br/>And that's enough, for now, to make me feel a little bit better.</p><p>I look at the sky, took a deep breath and exhaling it slowly.</p><p>
  <em>Long nights, daydreams</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Brown eyes, black jeans</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Lighters and candy, I've been a fool</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you</em>
</p><p><br/>In the middle of one September night,<br/>My first love has ended.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Always Taste Like You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2 years and a half.. I finally standing here, inside the university hall. Accepting my degree with a smile on my face.</p><p>It has been 2 years and a half. Since the last time I talk to him, my first broken heart. After what happened that night, I'm back to my old self. The one that has straight A's, with a nice sleep schedule, and never skipped a class. I try to avoid the area that might make me walk past him or encounter him. But when I do, I just nod and walk away. At night when I try to sleep, sometimes the leftover feelings still come and haunt me. I didn't count how many nights I end up with no sleep because when I lay down, his presence come and fill my thought. I cry.</p><p>There is this strange sting inside my heart, every time my eyes spot his figure. I guess, he really leaves an untreatable scar inside my heart.</p><p>I look at my graduation certificate and smile. It's the end of my university journey. I make my way outside the hall and greet Aron. The one person who stands beside me all this time. I probably go insane if Aron wasn't there beside me. Greet some friends and taking photos with them.</p><p>What I didn't expect is Baekho who is standing there a bucket of flowers on his hand. It consist of white tulips. And it arrange prettily. Of course, it is. He remember it. The one talk we have about the language of the flower.</p><p>The flower that speaks the word “I'm sorry.” White Tulips.</p><p>Before I know it, I was separated from my group of friends. And there was me and him. In the middle of a very crowded place but it feels like only the two of us were there.</p><p>“Hi” He smiled. The smile that I hate the most. Yet the one smile I miss the most. He gave me the flower.</p><p>“Congratulations on your graduations.”</p><p>“Thank you. It's not very you to give such a gift.”</p><p>“Yeah, I was just passing by the flower shop, and this one reminds me of you”</p><p>“Oh..”</p><p>“You sound disappointed. I'm sorry that I ruined your mood, it's your graduation anyway. I'll just take my leave now.”</p><p>Ah, so Baekho will always be Baekho. What am I expected from someone like him to remember a casual conversation that happen in the past.</p><p>I nod and smile. Even after all this time, I still have the urge to stop him. Take his hand, and just burry my self on his embrace. But I manage to stop myself from doing that.</p><p>I watch his back slowly disappearing from my sight.</p><p>When I put my face near the tulips, a familiar smell hits my nose. A hint of strawberry mint and a cigarette residue. The scent that I dislike the most. Not because of how they suffocate my breathing organs, but how they make me remember him.</p><p>Baekho. My First Love and My first Broken Heart.</p><p>So tears stream down my face.</p><p>“Baekho yah, I've been a fool But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this one &lt;3<br/>I'm sorry</p></blockquote></div></div>
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